Subject: ALH84001 Nom.TOP TEN Fossil List-MISTed!
From: wayneday@gwis2.circ.gwu.edu (Dwayne Allen Day)
Date: 23 Sep 1996 05:02:15 GMT
Robert D. Brown (pelorus@ltec.net) wrote:
: I think the rock known as ALH84001 belongs at the very top of the TOP TEN
: list of most important fossils (see sci.bio.paleontology).
Oh, it's one of those Letterman TOP TEN lists... This should be funny.
: (1) ALH84001 is an Earth rock, not a rock from Mars.
Mars needs rocks!
: It was spalled off the surface of Earth
"Spalled?" I'm apalled that it was spalled!
: following a large asteroid impact with its surface,
: orbited Earth for millions of years, and then came back 13,000 years ago,
: acquiring a fusion crust in the process.
A crispy fusion crust!
A tasty fusion crust!
Made from the Colonel's famous recipe!
: That ALH84001 is an Earth rock
: can be understood from a close reading of papers cited by McKay et al. For
: example, Ash, Knott, and Turner (Nature 380: 57-59, 1996)
"Ash, Knott and Turner?" Wasn't that the firm in L.A. Law?
: reported that
: "Trapped" gases in rocks are entirely different from "adsorbed" gases and
: AK&T; report the differences in their papers.
I'm starting to get gas here.
: atmosphere. Besides the fact that NO ONE ANYWHERE HAS EVER PUBLISHED THE
: O-TRILOGY VALUES FOR ALH84001,
The "O-Trilogy?" What's the "O-Trilogy?"
I think it's like the Star Wars Trilogy, only it starred Buddy
Hackett.
: Someday, NASA-affiliated scientists may actually publish the
: O-trilogy values for ALH84001,
Boy, that will be an exciting day.
: (3) ALH84001 confirms the usefulness of the old phrase: "Don't believe
: anything that you read, and only half of what you see".
I only believe half of what I read and two thirds of what I see.
: This statement is the evolutionary precursor of the wisdom often delivered
: by teachers to their newest students: "Half of what we teach you
: is wrong, and we don't know what half that is".
Oh, great, so now he's Bob Dole attacking the teachers of America
again, huh?
: The structural
: morphologies present in ALH84001 that are said to represent fossilized
: microbes, DO look just like bacteria.
If it looks like bacteria and tastes like bacteria...
Use Lysol!
: (4) The hoopla surrounding ALH84001 confirms the workings of the Peter
: Principle:
The Peter Principle? Is that the same as a dangling participle?
: "Over time individuals in large organizations are promoted to
: the level of their incompetence and no further".
Do you think the Mads are paying attention to this?
: The ALH84001 dog and pony
: show informs us that ENOUGH time has passed since the inception of NASA for
: it to have evolved into an entirely incompetent organization.
What if you don't believe in evolution? Could NASA have just been
created?
: How incompetent has NASA become? NASA shot
: itself in the foot with a bullet that has passed through its groin.
Oooh! I'll bet that hurt!
: The people claiming that
: ALH84001 is from Mars are employees of the commercial NASA subcontractor
: (Lockheed-Martin) most likely to benefit from any new Mars exploration
: adventure.
Are you now, or have you ever been an employee of the
Lockheed-Martin Corporation?
Answer the question now! Don't wait for the translation!
: Clinton administration's 9/20/96 announcement that there will be no manned
: mission to Mars by the year 2019 represents a crushing blow for NASA
: itself
Bullets in the groin, crushing blows... Wow! NASA's really
taking it on the chin!
: whose budget will be many billions of dollars less than has been
: contemplated ever since the Bush administration declared that "Man On Mars"
: was a national goal.
Man on Mars! Everyone knows that Mars needs WOMEN!
: The
: appropriate lesson should be this: scientists in every subdiscipline must
: always maintain links to the larger world around themselves
Most scientists I know prefer to avoid the outside world except
through the miracle of television.
: and/or their respective sub-disciplines.
Join the Church of the Sub-Discipline!
: There SHOULD be established an international
: board of examiners that certifies the fact that someone is, in fact, a
: "Scientist"
Yeah, I've been having a big problem with phony scientists coming
to me for grants lately.
: e.g. an individual fluent with the most contemporary
: understandings of mathematics and statistical reasoning, astronomy and
: cosmology, geology and biology, abiogenesis and genetics, etc.
"E.g.?" Doesn't he mean "i.e.?"
No, "e.g." means "for example," whereas "i.e." means "that is."
: The
: general public needs some standard through which they may recognize what
: science really is and which individuals represent "science" per se, as
: opposed to people who went to college, now count pixels for a living, and
: pretend to render "scientific" opinions on unpixellated topics because they
: have (gone to college) and do (count pixels for a living).
Yeah, there sure are a lot of posers out there. Just because
you've got a Ph.D. doesn't necessarily mean that you actually know anything.
: The short-lived NASA-sponsored career of
: ALH84001 has so profoundly disappointed serious thinkers all over the world
: that its acceptance to the "TOP TEN" list
Oooooh! I get it now! The TOP TEN list isn't supposed to be
funny, it's like an award!
Yeah, like the ones given out by People Magazine for the "Ten
Dressed People in Hollywood."
Yeah, I just loved Michelle Pfeiffer in that dress she wore to the
Oscars...
: (on the grounds outlined in this
: paragraph alone) will facilitate the development of a formal program for
: the certification of scientists, a good thing for paleontologists.
And we know how important it is to keep paleontologists happy...
Yeah, you haven't lived in fear until you've come face to face with
an enraged paleontologist!
: (7) No matter what dissociative statements NASA officials may make on the
: subject, the entire "life on Mars" issue that surrounds ALH84001 has drawn
: a "line in the sand"
Oh, great, now he's going to start talking about Clinton's Iraq
policy...
: We can now all look forward to a flameless Internet universe in
: the year 2001 as this relates to the greatest source of noise in the system
: as it exists now.
Well, that's definitely something to look forward to--an end to
flames on the Internet.
The Pope'll certainly be happy...
: Hopefully, that majority of individuals who see no
: intrinsic contradictions between the "Whys" of religion and the "Hows" of
: science will comfort and cool both sides when the line between the
: combatants is shown to be one that genuinely surrounds us all.
Wait... how can it be a line and a circle at the same time?
: No other "fossil" is so uniquely defined.
Come on, Bob Dole hasn't been able to stay on-message at all this
week!
: (8) Because ALH84001 is an Earth rock thrown into space by a large
: terrestrial impact, its fate over the next decade is invariably linked to
: the maturation of our understanding that the collisions of cosmic bodies
Watch cosmic bodies collide!
In big vats of Jello!
For only a small cover charge...
: A planetary
: civilization that recognizes this threat as real, not hypothetical, is a
: civilization that might not conduct global wars between its national
: members.
Carl Sagan has been saying this for years and it hasn't gotten him
anywhere.
: This is good for paleontologists because
Still keeping them paleontologists happy!
: all fossils of multicellular organisms are found in fine-grained sediments,
: the products and best evidence for these earlier blasts. Earth's
: paleobiogeographical record can help guide our course into the future.
: That would improve the regards for all fossils and may also vertically
: improve understandings between generations in co-residence on Earth.
"Vertically improve understandings?" Isn't that banned in the
states of Virginia and Alabama?
: (9) The lessons of ALH84001 can teach us all something about humility and
: nobility.
And maybe a little something about verbosity.
: ALH84001 is a "potato-sized rock", yet so massively complex and
: profoundly old, that it restates the reality that: "Dynamite comes in small
: packages".
Lots of things come in small packages...
Sugar.
String.
Gum.
Matches.
Toothpicks.
Keebler cookies.
: This should cheer children and short people everywhere and
: remind anyone whose feet reach the ground that even "little things" matter.
Well, good! We're not only making paleontologists happy, but kids
and midgets too!
: Life is not the place to be lazy, there's plenty of time for that.
Like when you're dead!
: (10) Though no single one of the reasons outlined above provides
: conclusive cause to believe that ALH84001 should be accepted into the list
: of the TOP TEN fossils
Who keeps this list, anyway?
: of that group. Once we do so, and do so for these reasons, it will resolve
: the issues surrounding the question: "What should we do with the hazardous
: nuclear wastes that threaten the biosphere's genetic composition over the
: course of millennia".
Where the heck did THAT come from?
Probably the same place where all the rest of it came from...
Someplace where the sun ain't too bright.
: Put them in outer space as part of an Earth
: Protection System orbiting the Sun in the vicinity of MARS!
And while you're up here, could you bring us down, please?
: May we have a call for a Second to the nomination, please.
NAY!!!!
: NOTE: See "Theory of Land and Life" in the sci.geo.geology newsgroup for
: additional relevant comments.
"Theory of Land and Life," now coming to a theater near you...
So, whaddya think, sirs?
I think someone's got a little too much time on his hands. Push
the button, Frank!
Whatever you say, oh Great Wonderful One...
D-Day
Subject: Re: Creation VS Evolution
From: paule@ix.netcom.com (Paul Ransom Erickson)
Date: Mon, 23 Sep 1996 06:48:51 GMT
GH failed the Turing test by writing:
|#|Everyone on this thread needs to calm down a little. You are all so heated
|#|that a calm, flameless, discussion on creationism and evolutionism is
|#|impossible. Remember, this is philosophy. If we could take a step back and
|#|look at both theories with an open-minded perspective, it is possible that
|#|they may both have some validity.
Right on, right on! But if you pay attention for a while, you'll see
that nobody wants to calm down: it's more fun to shout and insult.
What, you thought people read Usenet in order to learn? No, it goes
more like this: "I'm bored, what can I do? Hmmm, too lazy to go for a
walk, too old to find somebody to **** (CDA, alas!), too stupid to
read anything really worthwhile, so I guess I'll dial up and add to
the intensity of whatever argument happens to be going on. Just flip
a coin, pick a side, say some dirty words, and wait for the response."
In the abstract Usenet seems like a little piece of Utopia sneaking in
and situating itself -- but IRL it's all the same stupid people doing
all the same stupid crap. O sadness! O despair! I will not buy this
life: it is scratched!
Reverend paule@ix.netcom.com
Paul Ransom st86m@jetson.uh.edu
Erickson ------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: Creation VS Evolution
From: meron@cars3.uchicago.edu
Date: Mon, 23 Sep 1996 06:34:07 GMT
In article <52594s$9ar@dfw-ixnews7.ix.netcom.com>, paule@ix.netcom.com (Paul Ransom Erickson) writes:
>GH failed the Turing test by writing:
>
>|#|Everyone on this thread needs to calm down a little. You are all so heated
>|#|that a calm, flameless, discussion on creationism and evolutionism is
>|#|impossible. Remember, this is philosophy. If we could take a step back and
>|#|look at both theories with an open-minded perspective, it is possible that
>|#|they may both have some validity.
>
>Right on, right on! But if you pay attention for a while, you'll see
>that nobody wants to calm down: it's more fun to shout and insult.
>What, you thought people read Usenet in order to learn? No, it goes
>more like this: "I'm bored, what can I do? Hmmm, too lazy to go for a
>walk, too old to find somebody to **** (CDA, alas!), too stupid to
>read anything really worthwhile, so I guess I'll dial up and add to
>the intensity of whatever argument happens to be going on. Just flip
>a coin, pick a side, say some dirty words, and wait for the response."
>In the abstract Usenet seems like a little piece of Utopia sneaking in
>and situating itself -- but IRL it's all the same stupid people doing
>all the same stupid crap. O sadness! O despair! I will not buy this
>life: it is scratched!
>
Too late. You've already signed the purchase contract and the
warranty has been voided by using the product. Tough :-)
Mati Meron | "When you argue with a fool,
meron@cars.uchicago.edu | chances are he is doing just the same"